Schell of a Man

If I were to pick an industry in China where a business could not fail, it would have to be weddings. Chinese people, especially

20-something girls, love the idea of weddings. Every other weekend in every medium-to-large size city in China (and probably small ones too) there is a wedding expo, usually a photo studio selling their packages. Wedding photos are perhaps the most important part of the nuptial process. Photos sessions can last over a period of several days and involve a large range of wedding (and increasingly more bazaar non-wedding) dresses.

On any given weekend when the lighting is right, every patch of green is covered with overly made-up brides, awkward grooms and professional-looking camera crews (i.e. a photographer, a makeup artist, a stylist, someone to hold the reflector, and someone to get yelled at by the bride when she gets tired). Sitting on the riverbank

on a partly sunny afternoon, I counted no less than nine couples shuffling past in under an hour; some dress traditionally (Western and Chinese) and others dressed as 18th Century generals and ladies and still others as flamenco dancers. In the end you will have a book full of ridiculous photos to show on your special day.

Now while I did say that everyone in China loves the idea of a wedding, nearly everyone hates actually attending them. For all the romance that goes into them, choosing auspicious years and dates that could have romantic meanings if mispronounced, weddings seem to be joyless events. The bride and groom often seem as strangers to each other; instead reminding themselves of the social advantages that the union will bring. A car, an apartment, a mate with

a stable job.

Furthermore, the guests are all made to give a “hongbao” or red envelope full of money. The amount depends on the relationship to the family and your general social status. Starting around $30, it could be as much as $500 or more per person. Everyone there is either paying off a debt or building credit. When you attend a wedding in China you must put your name on the envelope so the amount you gave can be recorded in the family book. Likewise, to every wedding you go, you must record the amount you gave in your own book. When it is time for you or your child to get married you pull out the book and invite everyone in it. They must give at least as much as you gave them, if not more. And the cycle continues as their children marry. So everyone comes to try to eat and drink their money’s worth, and grumble about the number of weddings they have to attend.

I’ve never been invited to the early parts of a wedding ceremony, where the groom travels to the bride’s parents’ home, completes challenges and pays a bribe in order to retrieve his mate and bring her to their new home, though I’m more than familiar with the long lines of black cars adorned with flowers snaking through the city. I can, however, comment on the reception portion of the ceremony. It is an odd mix of Western traditions (exchanging rings, cutting cake and something akin to vows), Chinese traditions (fireworks, both inside and outside) and something altogether different.

It is usually hosted by a professional Master of Ceremonies, a cross between a radio DJ and the guy that yells “Let’s get ready to rumble!!!” before a wrestling match. There is usually a procession of the bride, groom, parents, bridesmaids and groomsmen, though the latter generally just wander off after walking in. (I know because I was a groomsman at the last wedding I attended. I ended up jumping off the catwalk to the stage with all the other attendants because we had nowhere to go and nothing to do).

There is not the sense of celebration that a Western wedding embodies. Beyond the show, there is eating and drinking. When you are done you leave. The bride and groom will make their way around the room drinking a toast with every table and obliging requests from guests. There are traditional games where the couple has to kiss, or the bride has to negotiate two raw eggs up the individual legs of the groom’s trousers, crossing them at the top and bringing them back down the opposite leg (thrilling and embarrassing everyone present). However, at a large wedding there could be as many 100 or 150 tables (1,000 to 1,500 guests). So if you have finished your meal and haven’t seen the new couple yet you can just leave. Your name is on the envelope and that’s the most important thing.

(I should note that I used a photo of my friends Ross and Maggie getting married. They are a great couple who love each other very much. I don't mean to imply that they were married for the social advantages; I just like the photo. I wish them all the best!)